Teamwork makes the dream work… and it also prevents your nuts from getting crushed during everyday life!
Meme Of The Day: 5/11/2020
Author: WildCasaAdmin
Weird News: The European Space Agency Says Urine Has A New Use! Making Moon Concrete!
Source The European Space Agency said Friday that human urine could one day become a useful ingredient in making concrete to build on the moon. The agency said researchers in a recent study it sponsored found that urea, the main organic compound in urine, would make the mixture for a “lunar concrete” more malleable before it hardens into its sturdy final form.
It noted that using only materials available on site for a moon base or other construction would reduce the need to launch supplies from Earth. The main ingredient in “lunar concrete” would be a powdery soil found on the moon’s surface known as lunar regolith. ESA said urea, which can break hydrogen bonds and reduce the viscosity of fluid mixtures, would limit the amount of water necessary in the recipe.
“Thanks to future lunar inhabitants, the 1.5 liters (3.2 pints) of liquid waste a person generates each day could become a promising by-product for space exploration,” it said in a statement. On Earth, urea is used as an industrial fertilizer and a raw material by chemical and medical companies.
“The hope is that astronaut urine could be essentially used as it is on a future lunar base, with minor adjustments to the water content,” study co-author Marlies Arnhof said in the ESA statement. “This is very practical, and avoids the need to further complicate the sophisticated water recycling systems in space.”
Do you hear that sound? What is it? It sounds like… like applause! Yes, that’s exactly what it is ladies and gentlemen! I can hear it so clearly now!!! Oh my goodness it seems people all over the world are excitedly rising to their feet to celebrate the joyous news!!! URINE can proably be used to help make concrete on THE MOON!
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I don’t know about you, but learning that the fluid waste that you and I unthinkingly excrete each day could actually be used to building structures on the moon makes me feel important AF! I’m already excited each day because I wake up and pissed excellence, but now I find out that I’m also pissing out moon construction materials too!?!?!? It’s freaking amazing! All this time my body (and yours) has basically been a Home Depot (or Lowe’s for those of you who prefer to requisition your building supplies elsewhere) just cranking out useful building materials and I didn’t even know it!
Shoutout to The European Space Agency (ESA) for leading the way on this one. This is the type of next level thinking I want the world’s geniuses focused on. Don’t worry about finding a vaccine for coronavirus. The global pandemic can wait. Nope, I want all eyes squarely pointed down watching urine flow out of your nerd urethras and dreaming up secondary uses for the stuff. That is the highest and best use of your superior IQ’s.
PS: Hey ESA, mad props for the way you guys stunted hard on NASA with this one. Those NASA guys have never given us any useful information about urine. Ever. Not even once. Franky, it’s unacceptable. America is falling behind in the space race and this is a clear example why.
PSS: Not at all surprising that The European (Ur-A-Peein’) Space Agency was first to this finding. You guys were built for this ish, errr, piss.
PSSS: I cannot wait until the ESA starts looking into secondary uses for poop! I believe in you fellas so put your thinking caps on, plug your noses to keep out the stench, and plop down on the commode to start acquiring “test materials”. Let us know what you come up with!
Countdown: My 5 Favorite GIF’s Right Now
I love GIF’s as a way to accentuate the emotions of text conversations. Here are my five favorite GIF’s right now along with what I like so much about each of them. Get in the comments and let me know what your favorites GIFs are:
#5: Hotdogs To The Face – This one is awesome to express a general feeling of being completely over something – just letting it wash over you like a hotdog facial.
#4: No Flinch Kobe – This is the Mamba Mentality perfectly condensed into a 2 second loop. Kobe wasn’t phased by anything, especially not punk ass Matt Barnes.
#3: Generic Confused Man – I LOVE this GIF! It has saved me thousands of words when trying to express utter confusion and disbelief during texting conversations.
#2: Kobe Bryant Yelling “SOFT!” – I enjoy this one so much that it got Kobe back on our list a second time! It’s such a spot on reaction for when someone trys to come at you with weak minded fuckery and you’re not having it. Just let an all time mental toughness expert do your work for you and fire off this GIF.
#1: Swaggy P Confusion – The way Nick Young aka Swaggy P expresses his confusion via the look on his face in this GIF is among the funniest and most spot on visuals I’ve ever seen! It’s so great how he starts by looking off camera for support and when he doesn’t get it he changes tactics and turns to the camera in hopes that somehow, some way, a person viewing the recording might one day feel and understand his pain and suffering. I, for one, feel your pain Nick.
Weird News: 5 Year Old Utah Boy Steals Parents SUV In Attempt To Acquire Lamborghini
Source A 5-year-old Utah boy who police caught driving his family’s SUV this week may have discovered that crime does pay. That’s because an adult who heard how Adrian Zamarripa stole the keys to his family’s Dodge Journey, then started off to California to buy a Lamborghini, decided to give the kid a taste of supercar life with a ride around the neighborhood.
Jeremy Neves, a local businessman, said he reached out to the Zamarripa family after the story of the kid’s automotive exploit went viral. “I’m absolutely inspired by the principles that he displayed of success ― knowing what he wants, going after it,” Neves told local station KSL-TV. Neves insisted he doesn’t approve of Adrian’s actions (though it kinda seems like he does).
“Absolutely, I’m not encouraging kids to go out and take their parents’ car, and do anything else that’s illegal,” he said. “I’m not advocating that at all.” Clips of the Lamborghini joyride show Adrian, sitting on someone else’s lap without a seatbelt, driving around the block with Neves behind the wheel of his dream car. “This car’s fast,” the kid exclaims.
The Utah Highway Patrol said it won’t cite anyone for Adrian’s motoring on Monday, according to Fox13Now.com. Police said they stopped the SUV after noticing it swerving on an interstate. Adrian said he was on his way to California to buy a Lamborghini because his parents refused to get him one.
Adrian’s sister, Sidney, told CNN that her little brother has been grounded for the caper and his chore list has gotten bigger. Neves sympathized with the little boy’s self-inflicted plight. “I thought it would be really cool to say, ‘Your dreams aren’t as far away as you think they are,’” he told the Deseret News.
I’m drawn to supercars the way Lizzo and Kelly Clarkson are drawn buffets – I cannot ignore them – so this story immediately got my attention! I think we should all salute young Adrian for having a dream and being completely dedicated to doing whatever it took to make that dream a reality. He was tired of cruising around his driveway in Power Wheels because he is smart and realized that shit is weak sauce and for babies. Adrian is not a baby. Adrian is a 5 year old man child who wanted to experience the power and prestige that accompany ownership of a fine Italian automobile.
So Adrian did what any smart kid would do: He asked his parents to buy him the Lambo, but they refused (freakin’ dreamkillers!). Most likely they said no and then fed him some BS line about asking Santa to gift him one for Christmas, but Adrian wasn’t fooled by that. He knew Santa is a parental scam perpetrated on gullible kids to control their behavior. Adrian wasn’t going to let anything stop him from actualizing his vision of himself as a (very) young gentleman zipping around the greater Utah area, doors up, stunting on minivans and Suburbans full of appalled polygamist families. So he skipped over asking Kris Kringle for the car and decided to do the most American thing possible: Go out and get a Lambo for himself!
Dude went full Grand Theft Auto as a 5 year old and the video of his driving was amazing. Just swerving all over the interstate in that Dodge Journey trying to get to Cali to drop his entire $3 life savings on a sweet sweet whip. That’s dedication. That’s heart. That’s overcoming insurmountable odds (and completely failing to understand the economic realities of a situation). I see you Adrian and I ain’t mad at ya.
What I am mad about is that we haven’t heard more from Adrian. The local media did us all a huge disservice by not immediately conducting a tell all interview with him. We need a full interview with Adrian and we need it now! I’m talking a full 20/20 Investigative Journal & News Magazine level of interview. This will be a ‘gather your family around the TV the oracle is about to speak’, once in a lifetime, you’ll forever remember where you were when this happened type interview.
I need to hear directly from Adrian his thoughts about what went down. I need epic quotes on par with the ones we got from 7 year old Latarian Milton when he was interviewed a few years back after stealing his grandmother’s car, taking it on a joyride, and crashing it into multiple cars and mailboxes. Many of you may remember that when asked why he did it Milton infamously said, “It’s fun to do bad things and drive into a car… I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend.” That right there is the level of epic quotes I believe we could expect from a visionary like Adrian. I eagerly await a full interview with him and if and when that happens rest assured I’ll report on it here!
Meme Of The Day: 5/7/2020
Crazy times ya’ll. I’ll leave it at that…
Weird News: Treasonous Valor Stealing Cat Alerts Sleeping Owner To Burning Slow Cooker (Allegedly)
Source Scott White of Portugal Cove-St. Philip’s in the province of Newfoundland and Labrador [Canada], said he went to sleep Sunday morning around midnight after setting some onions in the slow cooker to make jam. A few hours later, around 4:30 a.m., White said his cat, Joey, did something strange. “Usually, Joey doesn’t bother us when we sleep, but I could sense him pacing around the bed and I woke up with a paw on my face,” White told HuffPost.
Sensing something was wrong, White got up and saw the kitchen filling up with smoke from the slow cooker. “There was a lot of haze in the kitchen, but not enough to alert the fire alarm about 20 feet away,” White said. In the aftermath of Joey’s alertness, White and his fiancée have been giving Joey extra attention and treats from a “hero basket” donated to them as word about the cat spread around town.
But Joey’s heroism may have left White’s other pet, a 10-month-old puppy, in the metaphorical doghouse. “The dog was always in the window growling at people, so we thought he’d be a good watchdog,” White said. Instead, the pooch slept through the entire incident. “I guess we found out the real hero is the cat,” White told the CBC.
As I read further and further into this story I started rubbing my hands like Birdman because there is so much juicyness to analyze here.
Let’s start from the top. Who on earth slow cooks onions to make jam? Jam is sweet. Jam is colorful. Jam is outstanding when spread on toast at breakfast. Onions are none of those things. I know Canada is into a lot of stuff that the rest of the world doesn’t co-sign (celebrating Thanksgiving in October, eating poutine, clubbing baby seals, the band Nickelback) but this is some next level diabolical kitchen debauchery right here. I’m gonna step out on a limb and say that if you’re a person who thinks making jam out of onions is a good idea you might just deserve to have your house almost burn down for having such poor taste… Play stupid games. Win stupid prizes.
Next we need to talk about this cat, Joey, who despite having a lifetime track record of never doing anything to help anyone other than himself (also known as “being a cat”) supposedly decided that he would get up at 4:30AM and warm his owners that the jam onions had passed through the caramelized stage and were well on their way to charred. I don’t buy Joey’s story. Not for one second. There is no way this rat slayer took the time to drag himself out of his litter box in the wee hours of the morning to save the lives of his owners. That’s just not a cat activity.
I’ll tell you what this story is. It’s a major case of stolen valor. Joey didn’t rescue shit. The real hero here is that cute little 10 month old puppy that the ungrateful jam cook Scott White (who for all we know may also be a meth cook too) disparaged so horribly. We are all aware that the most plausible story is that the puppy, having a keen sense of smell and leadership abilities that exceed his young age, awoke, noticed the impending doom, and warned his treasonous housemate Joey the cat who then sprinted ahead of the puppy to warn the owners about the fire. Puppies are all legs when they try to run so as the young dog was attempting to collect his paws underneath himself and get moving the cat just took off, left him in the dust, warned the family, and stole all of the glory while leaving the pup to face unwarranted ridicule. Well, the rest of the internet might be fooled, but we here at WildCasa know what really happened. May this post forever stand as a record of the real truth of the story of the Canadian Kitchen Jam Fire of 2020.
Weird News: Just When We Could Least Afford to Spare A Square a Toilet Paper Truck Crashed in Texas
Source A tractor-trailer loaded with toilet paper went up in flames [sic] near Dallas. The driver of the 18-wheeler reportedly lost control around 4:30 a.m. on westbound Interstate 20 near Interstate 45. The truck ended up on its side and caught fire.
The driver and his dog were not hurt but the crash spilled commercial toilet paper all over the interstate, much of it burning extensively. The crash also caused a significant backup on I-20 during rush hour. All westbound lanes of the interstate were closed while crews worked to remove the smoldering wreckage.
I don’t have much to say about this story other than, as a nation, we have to be better than this. America is in the midst of a crisis from the coronavirus pandemic. Despite the virus being a respiratory infection the damage has now spread to our collective assholes. That’s right folks. For some reason this pandemic led morons across the nation (I’m looking at you Costco shoppers who bought literal pallets of TP) to head out to their closest big box store and purchase toilet paper in record quantities thus causing a shortage of the stuff. Mind you, these mental midgets failed to consider that they lack sufficient stockpiles of water or food that would allow them to stay alive long enough in a post-apocalyptic world to GENERATE amounts of solid excrement that would justify the purchase of multi-month supplies of toilet paper. These fools also fail to realize that it’s possible to wipe your ass with a litany of non-toilet paper items (such as concert t-shirts, confederate flags, and diplomas from online trade schools) that can be found in the home of a typical TP hoarder, butt (pun intended) I digress.
This post is about the fact that since the nation’s toilet paper supply is now largely possessed by mouth breathers whose family tree’s don’t fork, we all need to do everything in our power to conserve the few precious rolls of sphincter scrubber that are still available on the free market. We cannot just have truck drivers rolling their rigs on North Texas highways during fiery early morning crashes likely caused by a combination of lack of sleep and recent meth use. I need everyone to do his part to make sure this is the last shipment of TP rolls that gets destroyed or hoarded. Consider your place in the toilet paper supply chain and what you can do to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. The future of the buttholes of our fine nation depend on it.
Weird News: US Mint Honors Bats On 2020 US Quarter; Yes, THOSE Bats. The Ones That Caused Coronavirus
Wuhan bat and offspring casually chilling on the 2020 US quarter.Source – What if I told you that real life is often more unbelievable than the plot of any shitty movie ever written? Well, dear reader, let’s review for a moment the story of Coronavirus (aka COVID-19) and learn about the latest real happenings that prove the previous sentence is 100% true.
Much of what’s going on in the world right now feels unreal. It feels like an incredibility poorly written straight to DVD film. Here is the plot: Some dude in China, for a still unknown reason, decided to eat a bat back in late 2019. That bat was incredibly sick with a disease that would later come to be named after a shitty Mexican beer. The Chinese dude got himself and the rest of his Chinese of 11 million people, Wuhan, sick – and I mean REALLY sick. Like, “oh shit, we’re all gonna die” sick. The disease then began to spread rapidly to other countries including Italy and South Korea and wreaking havoc in it’s wake.
Some people in America were concerned and asked the president, an orange colored former reality TV star who had never before held any elected office, for his thoughts. He said the disease was just a hoax from his enemies and it would magically disappear in a few months when the weather heated up. Sadly, he was very mistaken and suddenly, “The Rona”, as the disease had colloquially come to be know was literally everywhere in America. People across the nation were asked to stay home to prevent to spread of the disease, but some dumb asses (Floridians and college age knuckleheads I’m referring to you) insisted on partying on beaches and in the streets because, they had “been looking forward to doing so for months”. Flash forward a week from that and all schools in the country were declared closed for the remainder of the year, the majority of businesses that service people face to face were shuttered, and most states were mandating that residents shelter in place.
If you think all of the things I just recounted sound unbelievable you’re right. None of that seems like a reality we could have in any way imagined just a few months ago. But I’m about to tell you something that is possibly even more outrageous. Before I share this information, you might want to have a seat… Ok, ready?… Here goes…
Somehow, a freaking bat is on the 2020 US quarter!!! Yes, you read that right. A bat… The animal that was the catalyst for global mayhem in 2020 is being honored on America’s 2020 twenty five cent piece. Actually, it’s not just one bat, its worse than that. Its two of the flying rona-speaders: A baby bat and its parent both innocently chilling on our money and probably gloating and hi-fiving each other about the way they took down a global superpower just by being their disgustingly infectious selves.
I’m sure the decision to use our money to honor these flying rats was made by some bureaucrat at the US Mint way before that hungry Wuhan bro decided to go all Iron Chef on Bruce Wayne’s kinfolk, but that still doesn’t make this ok. Knowing that we all will have to look at bats on the 2020 US quarter for the rest of time is an almost unbelievable insult and an amazing additional wrinkle to this story. So, I tip my hat to you oh Wuhan bat. You’ve laid the smackdown on us in a major way, and yet somehow we are already honoring you on by putting you on our money where you’ll be smuggly staring back at us for years to come.
Weird News – UK Mom orders Frog and Toad Shirt for Son. Receives F*ck the Police Shirt Instead
Source – Long story short a mom in the UK ordered what she thought would be a Frog and Toad t-shirt for her 3 year old son. You know, just some wholesome, cute, literature based clothing with which to attire her offspring and perhaps spark in him a lifelong interest in reading. Nothing controversial or exciting about this situation right?… WRONG! What arrived in the mail was indeed a child size Frog and Toad shirt. However, the shirt also boldly stated “F*ck The Police” beneath the image of the two reptilian compadres of undefined friendship. Check out the photo below.
The shocked mother took things in stride and did what any good mom in the internet era would do: She put the shirt on her kid, snapped some pics, and immediately posted about it on Facebook. We here at WildCasa are glad she did because now we’ll forever have the silly image above to laugh about.
This situation made me realize that I have not thought about Frog and Toad in ages (since I was a little kid reading their books) and it led me to thinking about which character pairs would make up the Mount Rushmore of animated duos from my childhood. Here are my thoughts and feel free to chime in in the comments section with your top duos:
- Bert and Ernie – These OG’s from Sesame Street are a truly impressive duo. From famously singing about bathtime and rubber duckies to inexplicably remaining roommates for 20+ years without either dude ever getting his own place, these guys are legends.
- Marcy and Peppermint Patty – I have no definitive answer as to why Marcy calls Peppermint Patty “sir”. It’s very, very confusing.
- Linus and his blanket – That kid was a warrior for openly battling anxiety and depression way before it was socially acceptable. Shoutout to his blanket for always having his back – both literally and figuratively.
- Garfield and lasagna – Never forget that, as Lil Wayne so wisely taught us in his lyrics, “Real G’s move in silence like lasagna”.
Weird News: Strip Club Overcomes Coronavirus and Forever Disrupts Food Delivery Service Market
What an inspiring story of American optimism and ingenuity! When Portland, Oregon strip club “Lucky Devil” was forced to close due to coronavirus, that didn’t stop owner Shon Boulden and his crew of scantily clad ladies from continuing to drive revenue while spreading boners joy. Not at all! These creatives cooked up a plan to forever disrupt the food delivery market by creating Boober Eats – a play on the market leading Uber Eats food delivery service.
The crew at Lucky Devil decided to open the club’s kitchen, slide on their stripper heels, slap on their pasties, pull up their thongs, and take to the streets delivering tits treats all over the greater Portland, Oregon area! THIS is the kind of “we shall overcome” spirit that’s going to get us through this global pandemic! So, hats (and pants?) off to the whole Boober Eats crew at Lucky Devil! If you’re in the Portland area please consider supporting a local breastaurant during these trying times.
