Check out this story that Lil Wayne (aka “Lil Weezy”, aka “Weezy F. Baby”, aka “Tunechi”, aka “Dwayne Carter” aka “The best rapper alive since the best rapper retired”) tells about his wild life!
There are so many great parts to this story, but I’ll highlight just a few of my favorites:
Lil Wayne flies private so often that he is totally unaware of what the machine is called that’s used to screen bags at airports.
Lil Wayne travels with over $25,000 worth of jewelry. Not surprising for a rapper of his level, but still pretty epic.
Lil Wayne has a “Percocet” pendant on his chain. Game over. Weezy is officially the swag champion!
Lil Wayne had a middle eastern royal groveling for his forgiveness. Let’s all take a second to think about how amazing that is.
And, probably the most important realization I had from this story: Lil Wayne no longer has a “free” Lamborghini because he blabbed about it on video so now the IRS knows about it and he’ll need to pay the taxes on it… Whatever happened to real “G’s” moving in silence like lasagna?
Source – A banana duct-taped to a wall sold for $120,000 at Miami’s Art Basel… The fruit and tape in question was the work of Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, and it literally is just a banana duct-taped to a wall, titled “The Comedian.” CBS News reports that there are actually three “editions” of the work of art, two of which have been sold. The third banana is expected to go for an even higher $150,000.
On the one hand, the hundred-thousand-dollar banana duct-taped to a wall is Good. People always like to dismiss modern art as simplistic, often remarking, “I could make that.” The go-to comeback to this statement is, “Yeah, but you didn’t.”
And, as a piece of art, “The Comedian” actually does have something to say. Emmanuel Perrotin—the founder of Perrotin, the gallery where the work was displayed—told CBS News that the piece is about how the meaning and importance of objects changes depending on the context.
Well folks, I think we can go ahead and turn the lights off on our modern society and shut things down once and for all. We’ve reached a new low. Someone just purchased a banana taped to a wall for $120,000. Let’s let that fact pause and sink in for a moment. In a world where 60% of people lack consistent access to clean water (I made that stat up because I’m too lazy to look up actual stats and it seems like a reasonable stat) someone just spent the price of a college education on a stick of sugar, potassium, and fiber worth maybe 50 cents and a piece of duct tape worth maybe the same amount and the only thing setting these items apart from all other just like them is that they are taped to a wall together.
This begs the question: WHY???? WHY??? WHY???? (Nancy Kerrigan voice) Why would anyone buy this? I think there’s only one explanation: It must have been a rich guy doing it to save face. No other logic makes sense here. I mean, you don’t get rich enough to casually drop $120K on questionable abstract art by, well, dropping $120K on questionable abstract art. However, once a person is rich enough to wipe their ass with over a tenth of a million dollars and casually flush that money down the toilet (which is EXACTLY what this buyer did) then we have to assume he is doing it for a good reason.
In this case I’m willing to bet that good reason was to maintain status in the rich guy pecking order. I’m pretty sure things developed like this: One rich guy, let’s call him Wellington Montford III, joked to his fellow well heeled buddy, Hermatige Armatige IV, how funny it would be to buy the banana / duct tape “art” piece and then ol’ Herms calmly replied to our boy Wellsy, “Bet you won’t do it.” And just like that, it was on. You see, if I learned anything from watching the movie You Got Served it was that if you dance and they dance back, then “IT’S ON!” My friends, that little exchange between our two hypothetical trust fund titans was the 1%’s version of a dance battle in a seedy unoccupied warehouse in an industrial area just outside of town. So, you see Wellington HAD to buy that taped up piece of monkey food because if he didn’t he’d become the laughing stock of everyone in The Hamptons this summer and Wellington Montford III is many things, but he is never the catalyst for laughter at his expense.
Folks, we’ve got a wild story for you today out of Redmond, Oregon so strap in for the ride.
Source — Family and friends are mourning the loss of a Redmond man fatally injured Sunday morning when he fell nearly 30 feet while practicing land kiteboarding on the parking lot of the Deschutes County Fair & Expo Center in Redmond. A witness to the crash described the sequence of events, saying they did what they could in its aftermath.
Redmond police and fire medics responded around 11 a.m. to reports of someone severely injured after falling from a height of nearly 30 feet and striking his head on the parking lot at the fairgrounds. Witnesses at the scene quickly began life-saving efforts, until first responders arrived, according to Redmond Police Lt. Curtis Chambers said. The victim, later identified as Zackary Hannan, 31, was taken by Redmond fire medics to St. Charles Bend, where he underwent several hours of surgery but passed away at 5 p.m., his family by his side, the lieutenant said.
NewsChannel 21 spoke with a witness, Deamion Culbertson, on Monday to hear his account of what happened. “As I was running toward him, another wind gust had picked up and took him and slung him across the parking lot, about 45 yards,” Culbertson said. He said Hannan already was unconscious when the second gust of wind carried his body head-first into a curb. “You can see that his body was not fighting any of it,” Culberston said. Culbertson said he and another witness were able to detach the five-point harness holding the kite onto Hannan’s body. Witnesses began life-saving efforts, but he died later at the hospital.
At this point in the article let’s all pause for a moment and take a few minutes to watch the classic Steve Harvey comedy clip “White Folks Have Wonderful Weekends” because it perfectly describes what happened to Zackary Hannan.
Ok, now that we’ve all been reminded of what where dealing with here, let’s get back to the article:
“Hannan was an experienced outdoor adventurist and recently took to this new activity with interest and enthusiasm,” Chambers said in a news release, adding that Hannan had been land kiteboarding for nearly a year. Chambers said people engaging in any sort of outdoor activity should research best practices and guidelines for their activity. “It’s never good to do any sort of outdoor event or activity alone, whenever possible,” Chambers said. “Always know your limits, and the limits of your equipment.” While preparing for Sunday’s activity, Hannan strapped himself into the kite and was in the final stages of preparation when an unexpected gust of wind grabbed the kite, pulling him about 30 feet into the air, Chambers said. Hannan had not yet secured his helmet to his head before the kite pulled him into the air. He then fell to the ground, striking his head on the asphalt, Chambers said.
RIP Zackary Hannan and RIP the “Wonderful Weekend” he was so eagerly attempting to have. Here’s hoping his homies pour out a little locally sourced organic kombucha for him the next time they all meet to play hacky sack and smoke weed.
A photo of the farmer and one of his sheep during happier times.
Source“Edinburgh (AFP) – A Scottish wool farmer has pleaded guilty to animal abuse after he was caught on video punching two sheep in the face, an animal welfare charity said Tuesday. William Brown, 59, was fined £550 ($715, 660 euros) under Section 19 of Scotland’s Animal Health and Welfare Act 2006, after he admitted to causing unnecessary suffering to two rams on his farm in Penicuik, south of Edinburgh, in 2018.
The investigation was conducted by the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA), which is authorised to report cases of suspected cruelty to state prosecutors. Scottish SPCA chief inspector said he hoped the fine “will serve as a warning that this behaviour is unacceptable”.
“He will be fully aware that sheep experience fear and can perceive humans as a threat,” John Chisholm said. “Violently lashing out at the sheep will spread fear amongst the rest of the flock.”
Brown was filmed by an undercover animal welfare officer sent in by the animal rights organisation People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).
The organisation, which documented similar cruelty to sheep in England in 2018, said it was the first time a Scottish wool farmer had pleaded guilty after being caught engaged in acts of “flagrant cruelty” to sheep. “This is a huge milestone — but it’s just the tip of the iceberg,” PETA claimed. “It’s routine in the Scottish wool industry to kick, beat, and stamp on sheep, but so far, only one person… has been charged with cruelty to animals.”
Katie James, a spokeswoman for the National Sheep Association, said abuse of sheep was not widespread at all. Sheep farmers were trained and given guidelines making the animals’ welfare “the highest priority”.
I have some thoughts to share about this story. First of all, wild move by the farmer to punch not one, but two sheep. Brave man to go into a two on one Royal Rumble against semi-domesticated barnyard animals. Second, what a deeply disrespectful move to punch the sheep in the face of all places! He didn’t want to hit them in the flank or the ribs?!?! Nope! Our guy domed not one, but two sheep. Hitting someone or something in the face clearly lets the beaten party know your message is, “I don’t respect you and I want to you be deeply aware of that lack of respect!” and it seems this farmer was all about getting that message across to his flock.
Now, let’s get deeper into the analysis. I really think there’s something the writer of this news article, the animal loving SPCA and PETA tattletales dogooders people quoted in the story, and the Scottish courts that imposed the fine all failed to consider: What exactly did those sheep do to warrant Old McDonald smacking them upside their mellons? I mean, they must have done SOMETHING, right?!?! Think about the farmers you have met at your local farmer’s market on a weekend or that you’ve seen on TV shows or in movies. These are generally old dudes in overalls driving dusty pickup trucks. They’re typically kinda stove up from arthritis brought on by years of doing manual labor outdoors under suboptimal conditions. Most of these dudes are also at least somewhat religious/have a keen sense of right and wrong honed by years of fervently praying for rain to end droughts. What I’m getting at is these are not the types of dudes to just casually lay an unwarranted beatdown on Mary’s Little Lamb. They just don’t have the inclination or that the energy to pull off such a feat after driving a combine across acres of fields all day and then milking dozens of cows. So, all I’m saying is whatever happened between that farmer and those 2 sheep I’m pretty sure the sheep had it coming.
Does this look like the face of a former Colombian senator turned criminal mastermind who was imprisoned for buying votes and then escaped from custody while at an appointment to get her grill lined up by an orthodontist?
If you said, “Yes. Yes, that certainly does look like the face of such a person!” then take pride in the knowledge that you are 100% right. Now, let’s get some more details from this story…
Source: Fox News: “A former politician in Colombia who was jailed for buying votes and later executed a brazen jailbreak during a dental appointment was captured Monday in Venezuela after several months on the run. Aida Merlano, 43, was arrested in the Venezuelan city of Maracaibo in the northwestern state of Zulia “after arduous investigations,” Miguel Domínguez, who heads Venezuela’s Special Action Force (FAES), announced on Instagram. The former senator was serving a 15-year sentence for buying votes in the 2018 parliamentary election, and for possession of an illegal firearm at the time of her brazen escape last October from an orthodontist practice in the Colombian capital city of Bogota.
The escape appeared to be an embarrassment for the nation’s prison system, with local media reporting shortly after that General William Ruiz was fired as director of the Colombian National Penitentiary and Prison Institute. Domínguez posted a photo of Merlano following her capture. He said the fugitive former lawmaker, who entered the country illegally, would be handed over to the Venezuelan prosecutor’s office. It was unclear whether Merlano would be extradited back to Colombia amid tense relations between the two countries.”
I have a lot of thoughts about this story. First of all, props to our girl Aida for not letting a little thing like a 15 year prison sentence deter her from taking stellar care of her pearly whites! She clearly is a believer in the theory of dental care that my grandmother has always preached to every family member who will listen, “Be true to your teeth; lest they be false to you!”. My Gram obviously knows a thing or two about maintaining chiclets because she’s 85 years old and has all of her teeth (Eat your heart out Polydent! Gram ain’t buying what you’re sellin!) Anyway, I digress.
It’s highly commendable that Aida was making it a point to care for her teeth even behind bars. I think many of us might let hygiene slip a bit if faced with the prospect of almost 2 decades of hard time, but Aida took a different route. She didn’t just floss after each meal, brush her teeth, and follow with a few liberal swishes of mouthwash. She didn’t simply avail herself of the in-house standard prison dental care services located on site at the Colombian lock-up where she was being housed. No, this lady talked up some outside (and I’m guessing also very “out of network”) care for herself and this care was not just regular dentistry. Nope, Our Lady of Perpetual Vote Rigging and General Criminal Mischief talked herself up some full blown orthodontia! We’re taking the place where one goes to get braces, maybe score some fancy porcelain veneers, or even get carved up for full blown maxillofacial surgery should the situation call for it!
So, Aida (or Miss Merlano if you nasty) somehow convinced a prison guard to take her to the orthodontist. I’m imagining the visit was going along pretty normally. The doctor had probably complimented Aida on the wonderful job she was doing caring for her teeth despite the challenging conditions of her incarceration. Aida had probably just picked out what color retainer she wanted and the doctor was probably starting to wrap up the whole appointment. Most likely, as Aida was checking out at the front desk and a nurse was probably offering her a sticker for being a “good little patient” was the moment when all hell broke loose as Aida pulled out a Glock that she had had an accomplice stash in the dental chair for her. She probably then pointed the gun at the prison guard, and jumped out the window of the office like some kind of Colombian Jason Bourne!
From there Aida did something no-one would expect: This chick fled TO Venezuela! That’s right, she fled to what is arguably the worst country in all of South America right now. We’re talking a nation in which people are starving and are so hungry that they actively trying to FLEE to COLOMBIA (the nation where Aida was bailing from) just to have enough food to eat so that the don’t die.
Not simply staying in Colombia is a really odd move for even more reasons. I mean, we’ve all seen Narcos on Netflix. If that show taught us anything it’s that Colombia is the nation where Pablo Escobar, a repulsively fat, murderous crime lord pretty much ran the place as he saw fit for over a decade. I’m pretty sure that with her pearly white smile and general can do approach to life (this woman somehow spoke into existence first rate medical care while serving a 15 year prison sentence in a third word lockup) Aida could have simply declared herself the new leader of the city in which she escaped, been accepted by the locals as their new leader, and then lived out her days in relative peace and tranquility just brushing thoroughly after each meal and maybe even rigging an occasional municipal election for old times sake. But no, homegirl went chasing waterfalls and booked it to Venezuela rather than sticking to the Colombian rivers and lakes that she was used to and now she’s been captured and her return to Colombia seem eminent. All I can say is Aida Merlano, I tip my hat to you, you legend of the lockup. May your smile continue to brighten whatever prisons you find yourself in for the next several decades.
The Pulaski Police Department in Virginia shared a story that you have to see to believe — and luckily, it was caught on camera. A woman walking on a park trail noticed a squirrel was following her. What happened next led her to call the police.
Tia Powell was in Kiwanis Park when she was “approached by a squirrel,” the police department wrote on Facebook. “The squirrel stood in her way on the trail.” Powell realized the squirrel wasn’t going to harm her — and it was also not going to leave her alone.
Powell told CBS News there was an injured baby squirrel there, too. So, she decided to take the mama seriously when it tugged on her pant leg.
This is a weird story and there is quite a lot to unpackage. First things first, I need to commend this squirrel for being an example to all of us of how to advocate for oneself. The old maxim, “Ye have not because ye ask not”, is clearly something this squirrel took to heart. This mama squirrel needed immediate attention from outsiders to help her resolve her situation and there was nothing that was going to stop her from getting it even if doing so meant she had to harass total stranger, park power walker, Tia Powell.
“I was shocked and speechless and excited because it had never happened before,” Powell told CBS News. “I felt bad because I pushed it away the first time instead of just waiting to see. My children and I love animals, so to see it hurt and the mom couldn’t help was sad.”
Shame on you Tia. Shame. Shame. Shame. When a squirrel rolls up on you, grabs your pant leg, and begs for help you do not shoo that squirrel away. Not at all! You stop what you’re doing and immediately see what that mangy tree rat wants. Maybe I’ve lived an uncharacteristically squirrel free life, but I have NEVER had a squirrel stroll up to me in a park (or any place for that matter) and start tugging on my pant leg in a quest for attention. If and when that happens you can best believe I’ll be immediately directly all of my attention to figuring out what that squirrel wants and also probably checking to make sure I’m not losing my mind or imagining the whole encounter.
Powell moved the injured baby off the path, but the mom still would not leave her alone. “I noticed that they were following me the whole time,” she said. “The baby was struggling to walk and the mom kept on going ahead and then coming back.”
She fed the squirrels a sandwich she had with her and watched them try to hop up into a tree. When she realized the baby squirrel was still struggling to get up the tree, she decided to call in backup.
I commend Tia for trying to do the right thing here, but I have to blow the whistle and throw a penalty flag because Tia messed this one up. I don’t know how to put this gently so I’m just going to say it: Squirrels don’t want sandwiches. There. I said it. Let that sink in for a moment. I mean just ask yourself when was the last time you were cruising through a park and saw a squirrel kicking back standing on a fallen tree and just going to town eating a sandwich. I can tell you when: Never and the reason you haven’t seen this is because squirrels aren’t into sandwiches. Squirrels live in trees. Sandwiches live in the kitchens of suburban homes and sub shops located in strip malls. At not time do sandwiches enter the venn diagram of foods squirrels have access to eat. Squirrels eat tree nuts, vegetables, and fruit (shout out to a quick Google search for providing this valuable nugget of information). If squirrels were into sandwiches we’d see them massing around Subway shops to taste the masterpeices those“sandwhich artists” crank out from the assembly line. Anyway, I commend the squirrels for wisely nibbling on the sandwich to appease Tia while trying to get her to see the real issue: The injury to the baby squirrel.
Powell called her friend and the Humane Society, but the Pulaski Police Department arrived. “In their defense, I did sound like a crazy lady saying the squirrels wouldn’t let me leave. But they showed up and assisted as much as they could,” Powell told CBS News.
Imagine being the cop who gets dispatched to handle this call. Dude probably signed up for this job a decade ago hoping to bust some perps to make the world a safer place. He most likely imagined himself going on stakouts, getting into car chases, and maybe, just maybe, if the stars aligned just right he would get into a wild west style shootout. His life was going to be a non-stop adventure with unlimited donuts mixed in as an added bonus! Now, flash forward 10 years and instead of living out episodes of CSI in real life my man finds himself answering phone calls about distressed park dwelling rodents. Talk about a downgrade!
Powell didn’t know how the baby squirrel got injured, but she thought a nearby stray cat was the culprit. So, the group of rescuers decided to move the squirrels to a safer area.
I’m glad the story had a happy ending and that the squirrel got moved to a “safer area”, but we do need to address a key detail of the last sentence from the paragraph above: Apparently, there was a “group of rescuers”. Look, I’m not a first responder, nor am I a second or third responder (if those even exist), but I do consider myself to be a fairly rational person and one thing I know is that moving an injured squirrel from one part of a city park to another in no way requires a “group of rescuers”. These people weren’t trying to extract Baby Jessica from a west Texas well hole, free Chilean miners from a collapsed shaft (pause), or find a way to extract that team of Thia soccer kids who got trapped in a flooded underground cave system. They were trying to move one baby squirrel. I really think that could have been done by a single person instead of the mass of humanity I imagine was on the scene live streaming this “dramatic” rescue. Anyway, in conclusion, I’m glad the situation ended fine and always remember this piece of ancient squirrel wisdom: Protect your nuts!
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