With the recent surge in coronavirus / Covid-19 cases in the USA we at WildCasa.com are taking a moment to share this useful public service graphic to remind you of the relative usefulness of the above factors and items of daily life during this pandemic.
Also, a remember: If you choose to rock sweatpants please avoid being boner in sweatpants guy. It’s rude. It’s awkward for everyone. Plus, it unnecessarily stretches out the sweatpants.
Source A tractor-trailer loaded with toilet paper went up in flames [sic] near Dallas. The driver of the 18-wheeler reportedly lost control around 4:30 a.m. on westbound Interstate 20 near Interstate 45. The truck ended up on its side and caught fire.
The driver and his dog were not hurt but the crash spilled commercial toilet paper all over the interstate, much of it burning extensively. The crash also caused a significant backup on I-20 during rush hour. All westbound lanes of the interstate were closed while crews worked to remove the smoldering wreckage.
I don’t have much to say about this story other than, as a nation, we have to be better than this. America is in the midst of a crisis from the coronavirus pandemic. Despite the virus being a respiratory infection the damage has now spread to our collective assholes. That’s right folks. For some reason this pandemic led morons across the nation (I’m looking at you Costco shoppers who bought literal pallets of TP) to head out to their closest big box store and purchase toilet paper in record quantities thus causing a shortage of the stuff. Mind you, these mental midgets failed to consider that they lack sufficient stockpiles of water or food that would allow them to stay alive long enough in a post-apocalyptic world to GENERATE amounts of solid excrement that would justify the purchase of multi-month supplies of toilet paper. These fools also fail to realize that it’s possible to wipe your ass with a litany of non-toilet paper items (such as concert t-shirts, confederate flags, and diplomas from online trade schools) that can be found in the home of a typical TP hoarder, butt (pun intended) I digress.
This post is about the fact that since the nation’s toilet paper supply is now largely possessed by mouth breathers whose family tree’s don’t fork, we all need to do everything in our power to conserve the few precious rolls of sphincter scrubber that are still available on the free market. We cannot just have truck drivers rolling their rigs on North Texas highways during fiery early morning crashes likely caused by a combination of lack of sleep and recent meth use. I need everyone to do his part to make sure this is the last shipment of TP rolls that gets destroyed or hoarded. Consider your place in the toilet paper supply chain and what you can do to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. The future of the buttholes of our fine nation depend on it.
Wuhan bat and offspring casually chilling on the 2020 US quarter.Source – What if I told you that real life is often more unbelievable than the plot of any shitty movie ever written? Well, dear reader, let’s review for a moment the story of Coronavirus (aka COVID-19) and learn about the latest real happenings that prove the previous sentence is 100% true.
Much of what’s going on in the world right now feels unreal. It feels like an incredibility poorly written straight to DVD film. Here is the plot: Some dude in China, for a still unknown reason, decided to eat a bat back in late 2019. That bat was incredibly sick with a disease that would later come to be named after a shitty Mexican beer. The Chinese dude got himself and the rest of his Chinese of 11 million people, Wuhan, sick – and I mean REALLY sick. Like, “oh shit, we’re all gonna die” sick. The disease then began to spread rapidly to other countries including Italy and South Korea and wreaking havoc in it’s wake.
Some people in America were concerned and asked the president, an orange colored former reality TV star who had never before held any elected office, for his thoughts. He said the disease was just a hoax from his enemies and it would magically disappear in a few months when the weather heated up. Sadly, he was very mistaken and suddenly, “The Rona”, as the disease had colloquially come to be know was literally everywhere in America. People across the nation were asked to stay home to prevent to spread of the disease, but some dumb asses (Floridians and college age knuckleheads I’m referring to you) insisted on partying on beaches and in the streets because, they had “been looking forward to doing so for months”. Flash forward a week from that and all schools in the country were declared closed for the remainder of the year, the majority of businesses that service people face to face were shuttered, and most states were mandating that residents shelter in place.
If you think all of the things I just recounted sound unbelievable you’re right. None of that seems like a reality we could have in any way imagined just a few months ago. But I’m about to tell you something that is possibly even more outrageous. Before I share this information, you might want to have a seat… Ok, ready?… Here goes…
Somehow, a freaking bat is on the 2020 US quarter!!! Yes, you read that right. A bat… The animal that was the catalyst for global mayhem in 2020 is being honored on America’s 2020 twenty five cent piece. Actually, it’s not just one bat, its worse than that. Its two of the flying rona-speaders: A baby bat and its parent both innocently chilling on our money and probably gloating and hi-fiving each other about the way they took down a global superpower just by being their disgustingly infectious selves.
I’m sure the decision to use our money to honor these flying rats was made by some bureaucrat at the US Mint way before that hungry Wuhan bro decided to go all Iron Chef on Bruce Wayne’s kinfolk, but that still doesn’t make this ok. Knowing that we all will have to look at bats on the 2020 US quarter for the rest of time is an almost unbelievable insult and an amazing additional wrinkle to this story. So, I tip my hat to you oh Wuhan bat. You’ve laid the smackdown on us in a major way, and yet somehow we are already honoring you on by putting you on our money where you’ll be smuggly staring back at us for years to come.
What an inspiring story of American optimism and ingenuity! When Portland, Oregon strip club “Lucky Devil” was forced to close due to coronavirus, that didn’t stop owner Shon Boulden and his crew of scantily clad ladies from continuing to drive revenue while spreading boners joy. Not at all! These creatives cooked up a plan to forever disrupt the food delivery market by creating Boober Eats – a play on the market leading Uber Eats food delivery service.
The crew at Lucky Devil decided to open the club’s kitchen, slide on their stripper heels, slap on their pasties, pull up their thongs, and take to the streets delivering tits treats all over the greater Portland, Oregon area! THIS is the kind of “we shall overcome” spirit that’s going to get us through this global pandemic! So, hats (and pants?) off to the whole Boober Eats crew at Lucky Devil! If you’re in the Portland area please consider supporting a local breastaurant during these trying times.
