Wuhan bat and offspring casually chilling on the 2020 US quarter.Source – What if I told you that real life is often more unbelievable than the plot of any shitty movie ever written? Well, dear reader, let’s review for a moment the story of Coronavirus (aka COVID-19) and learn about the latest real happenings that prove the previous sentence is 100% true.
Much of what’s going on in the world right now feels unreal. It feels like an incredibility poorly written straight to DVD film. Here is the plot: Some dude in China, for a still unknown reason, decided to eat a bat back in late 2019. That bat was incredibly sick with a disease that would later come to be named after a shitty Mexican beer. The Chinese dude got himself and the rest of his Chinese of 11 million people, Wuhan, sick – and I mean REALLY sick. Like, “oh shit, we’re all gonna die” sick. The disease then began to spread rapidly to other countries including Italy and South Korea and wreaking havoc in it’s wake.
Some people in America were concerned and asked the president, an orange colored former reality TV star who had never before held any elected office, for his thoughts. He said the disease was just a hoax from his enemies and it would magically disappear in a few months when the weather heated up. Sadly, he was very mistaken and suddenly, “The Rona”, as the disease had colloquially come to be know was literally everywhere in America. People across the nation were asked to stay home to prevent to spread of the disease, but some dumb asses (Floridians and college age knuckleheads I’m referring to you) insisted on partying on beaches and in the streets because, they had “been looking forward to doing so for months”. Flash forward a week from that and all schools in the country were declared closed for the remainder of the year, the majority of businesses that service people face to face were shuttered, and most states were mandating that residents shelter in place.
If you think all of the things I just recounted sound unbelievable you’re right. None of that seems like a reality we could have in any way imagined just a few months ago. But I’m about to tell you something that is possibly even more outrageous. Before I share this information, you might want to have a seat… Ok, ready?… Here goes…
Somehow, a freaking bat is on the 2020 US quarter!!! Yes, you read that right. A bat… The animal that was the catalyst for global mayhem in 2020 is being honored on America’s 2020 twenty five cent piece. Actually, it’s not just one bat, its worse than that. Its two of the flying rona-speaders: A baby bat and its parent both innocently chilling on our money and probably gloating and hi-fiving each other about the way they took down a global superpower just by being their disgustingly infectious selves.
I’m sure the decision to use our money to honor these flying rats was made by some bureaucrat at the US Mint way before that hungry Wuhan bro decided to go all Iron Chef on Bruce Wayne’s kinfolk, but that still doesn’t make this ok. Knowing that we all will have to look at bats on the 2020 US quarter for the rest of time is an almost unbelievable insult and an amazing additional wrinkle to this story. So, I tip my hat to you oh Wuhan bat. You’ve laid the smackdown on us in a major way, and yet somehow we are already honoring you on by putting you on our money where you’ll be smuggly staring back at us for years to come.