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How to Rape Proof Your Barn in 10 Easy Steps!

I’ve recently become incredibly interested in horse racing and breeding. I’ve actively sought out what it takes to pick a great genetic line and win consistently. As I thought about how I’ll fund entry fees, stable fees, trainer/jockey fees, transportation costs, daily training, monthly vet fees and farrier fees (blacksmith), horse feed and supplements, I ultimately came to the realization that I was forgetting the most important investment I would ever make as a horse farm owner, rape proofing my barn! 

I know, I know it sounds wild but the more I’ve researched the more I realize that all those other expenses are secondary after not wanting to fall prey to sick individuals who like to take their liberties with the equine variety. Ms. Barbara Kenley fell prey not only once but at least twice to the schizophrenic and at least at the time unmedicated brother of Rev. James Vereen, the infamous Rodell Vereen himself. But I have renamed him henceforth Rodell “Sugar Glider” Vereen because he likes to “glide into sugar”, over and over and over again. You’ll understand later…

On Thanksgiving Day in  2007 Ms. Kenley, likely after making some sweet treats and pastries her community, family and friends have grown to love her for, went 4 miles down the road and found “a man asleep in the hay by her horse” and, “ a mound of dirt and stool behind her” and realized he had been helping himself to some sugar of his own. This sleeping man would turn out to be none other than Rodell “Sugar Glider” Vereen, who would go on to terrorize his community and local stables with his inability to harness his emotions while seeking a “stable” relationship. According to Sgt. Robert Kegler (who’s name is suspect in and of itself and who’s wife’s lady parts are likely quite taunt) Sugar Glider was charged with buggery in Horry County in 2007.


via GIPHY

In July of 2009 Lazy B Stable’s owner Ms. Kenley noticed that then 21 year old Sugar was getting infections again and noticed bales of hay being stacked near her horse’s stall. Kenley said, “Police kept telling me it couldn’t be the same guy”, “I couldn’t believe that there were two guys going around doing this to the same horse.” And ultimately Ms. Kenley would be correct in that assertion. While buggery is more common among goat herdsman in the middle east, it is still a real concern for farmers stateside. So, Ms. Kenley installed cameras and after reviewing the sordid footage from July 19th she discovered what appeared to be Sugar Glider Vereen ravishing her horse’s innocence once again. Sugar Glider was later taken into custody by police after being held at gunpoint by Ms. Kenley.

In a interview with WMBF news Kenley stated, “This is my getaway, this is my serenity. This is my stress release. My horses are just you know animals are just great for that. He [Sugar Glider] took all that away from me.”

At that time Sugar Glider was charged with sodomy, trespassing, and violating his probation.

In November of 2009 Mr. Slip and Slide Sugar Glides Hay Stacker Barn Break Sugar Taker Horse … would later plead guilty to Buggery and Trespassing and was sentenced to 5 years in prison. At the sentencing in a rare equine acknowledgement of the real victim, Sugar the horse was allowed to read a victim impact statement (provided she didn’t horse around) and stated that she had had hopes to be the breed mare to thoroughbred racehorse royalty and that now her reputation has been tarnished and her character had been besmirched particularly because her name was not kept secret as with human victims. At the time there was bipartisan in the South Carolina Legislature to pass Sugar’s Law, which would provide support and shield the identities of our equine brothers and sisters who have been assaulted by degens like Sugar Glider and stop them from living within 10 miles of a farm. Sugar’s exact words can be read in their entirety below.

The vic and her owner Ms. Kenley.

Whinny Whinny, Snort snort SNOOOOORT Neigh neigh neigh neigh Whinny WHINNY WHINNY NEIIIIIIIGH! (You get the point…)

Sugar Glider was released from prison and given two years of probation after only serving 3 years since he had “good behavior”. Though, since his unit wasn’t assigned to work on a farm it’s reasonable to believe he didn’t face much temptation on the inside. Although in a recent interview from prison Sugar Glider said he was saddled with regret over the whole chain of events.

Wow, we got a little off track there, back to my horse farm and how best to keep my horses safe.

How to Rape Proof Your Barn in 10 Easy Steps!

  1. Don’t name your horse Sugar. Sweet names attract would be intruders to your land.

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  1. Put lots of male chickens on your property. If would be equine degens approach your mares they will do their best to Cock Block. In the image below we see Ms. Kenley only had female chickens for egg laying prior to the second incident.
Egg Laying Chickens at Lazy B Stables (Should have bought those Cocks!)
  1. Put up steel gates on your barn. Ms Kenley only had a wood barn that was easy for Mr. Glider to get into. Here we see the Lazy B Stable was exposed like an open wound to predators.
WIDE OPEN WOUND OF A STABLE!
Not trying to blame the vic or anything…

  1. Don’t be afraid to use those firearms. Ms. Kenley said in both situations she was afraid to use her shotgun because she didn’t want to go to prison. He buggered your horse once lady, as Gwen Stefani said “What you waiting for?”

via GIPHY

The Perp!
  1. Install high res cameras. This is much easier today than in 2007 when these vicious attacks first started.
  2. Get to know your neighbors and watch out for each other. You never know when one of them just might be there to fend off some nut creeping onto your property.
  3. Don’t leave mounds of dirt and stackable hay close to your stalls. This makes horse attacks easier.
  4. Hide your Mares and hide your studs, and geldings. Put burglar bars on horse stalls. It might seem like too much but Sugar’s honor is at stake. SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO HIDE MORE THAN ANIMALS AND AGAIN
  5. Don’t let dudes with names like Kegler work on the Police force. It just sends the wrong message…
  6. Trust your gut! One thing Ms. Kenley did right was noticing small changes in Sugar and that she was getting new infections. This presence of mind helped to stave off what could have easily resulted in unnecessarily prolonged horse buggery. BUY YOUR NOT TODAY SHIRT HERE

Below is some info on Sugar Glider Himself. 

Don’t Rodell My Horse!
Say it ain’t so Mr. Glider…

An Important Message That Needs to be Taken Seriously!

We at WildCasa Present for the first time in honor of your steadfast commitment to the protection of our equine friends the “DON’T RODELL MY HORSE” shirt! Every time you put it on you will let others know you aren’t a horse buggerer and that even if you don’t have a horse if you did you wouldn’t let anyone else bugger it either! Shout out to Lazy B Stables! 100% of the proceeds from these shirts will fund our eventual purchase of and operation of a race horse farm! In the arms of an angel…

Sources for article:

Buggery charges in sex-with-horse case

https://www.nydailynews.com/news/unstable-s-man-probation-horse-sex-sex-horse-article-1.431308

https://www.wmbfnews.com/story/14290297/man-convicted-of-having-sex-with-a-horse-more-than-once-gets-out-of-jail/

https://oklahoman.com/article/3414587/man-gets-3-years-in-prison-for-sex-with-horse-in-south-carolina

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Weird News: Iditarod Dogsled Racer Disqualified for Performance Enhancing Drug Use… That Drug Was Meth

Iditarod musher Lance Mackey pictured at the 2020 Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race ceremonial start in Anchorage on Saturday, March 7, 2020. No word on whether that’s his meth dealer riding shotgun.

Source – A positive drug test for methamphetamine has disqualified veteran dog musher Lance Mackey from the 2020 Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, according to a message that race organizers sent to sponsors early Thursday. Mackey’s 21st place finish in this year’s race will be vacated after the positive test from a sample collected in White Mountain, the Iditarod statement says. Mackey finished the race, his 16th Iditarod, in Nome on March 19. Mackey is a four-time Iditarod champion, from 2007 to 2010, and a four-time Yukon Quest champion, from 2006 to 2009. He’s also the only musher to have won both of the 1,000-mile races the same year, in 2007 and 2008.

In the Iditarod’s written statement, Mackey said he planned to go into treatment. “I’m tired of lying to myself, friends, family, and fans, who have all supported me, rooted for me, or been inspired by me. I apologize to all of you,” Mackey said. “The truth is that I need professional help with my latest life challenge. I am in the process of making arrangements to go to a treatment center where I can get the professional help and real change I need. I’m ready to confront this with all of my focus and determination.”

Mackey did not immediately respond to a request for comment. He has spoken openly in the past about heavy drug and alcohol use earlier in his life, mostly cocaine and whisky. The Iditarod has tested sled dogs for drugs since 1994 and instituted drug testing for mushers during the race in 2010. The decision by the Iditarod Trail Committee to test mushers came after a complaint about musher drug use from the Iditarod Official Finishers Club.

At the time, Mackey was the most vocal musher in pushing back against the testing, claiming he had been singled out because of his use of marijuana, as a cancer survivor, for pain management. The first Iditarod disqualification for drug use came in 2012, when 38th place finisher Matt Giblin tested positive for marijuana.

The Iditarod is a world famous annual race in which dog sled teams compete to see which one can cover a course across the frozen Alaska tundra the fastest. It’s a grueling competition that forces competitors to overcome dangers and challenges from extreme terrain, harsh weather, and physical and mental fatigue. Before reading this story, I had no idea that the people (or dogs) involved in the race were tested for drugs, but upon thinking about it the idea makes perfect sense. If performance enhancing drugs (PEDs) can provide even the slightest edge someone might try to use them to cheat so it’s prudent to look out for this.

However, what did surprise me was that meth is being used as a “performance enhancing drug”. My first thought when I heard an Iditarod racer was caught using PED’s was, “Adderall! Dude is probably taking adderall to try to stay awake amidst the boredom of looking at nothing but ice, snow, and dog butts for hours on end. Just trying to get a bit of an edge to stay locked in to make more actuate turns on the course to shave precious seconds from his time. So, adderall, while not great, totally makes sense to me. But meth? Meth is a very different and incredibly destructive beast.

Let’s briefly compare the differences between meth and adderall. Adderall helps people get through dental school. Meth causes people to have to visit a dentist to replace the teeth it rotted out. Adderall helps people focus on studying long enough to become a dermatologist. Meth causes facial scars that even the best dermatologist would be at a loss to fix. Adderall helps people think up ways to create the next disruptive technology that will change the world. Meth labs cause disruption by exploding and killing people… I think you get the idea.

Anyway, someone should tell Lance that he’s not competing to have the fewest teeth in the race. He’s competing for the lowest time in the race! At least he got caught so he can get some help because he clearly needs it. Dude pretty much jumped right off that sled and into rehab as he should have due to his past and current episodes of hard drug use. No wonder Lance was the most vocal critic of drug testing human participants when that was rolled out!

Also, how crazy is it that drug testing of human participants didn’t start until 2010?!?!
It’s not at all surprising that tests are coming back positive. I mean, it might take some chemical encouragement to enter a mindset where doing the Iditarod seems like the highest and best use of one’s time. Far be it from me to judge, but it would seem that anyone who volunteers to stand on a sled for days on end while enduring sub zero temperatures and beating a pack of domesticated wolves down a patch of snow and ice would absolutely be a person who should be drug tested. Hopefully, Lance get’s the help he needs and maybe someone will start a Go-Fund-Me to car for his dogs while he’s away getting cleaned up.

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Weird News: The European Space Agency Says Urine Has A New Use! Making Moon Concrete!

Source The European Space Agency said Friday that human urine could one day become a useful ingredient in making concrete to build on the moon. The agency said researchers in a recent study it sponsored found that urea, the main organic compound in urine, would make the mixture for a “lunar concrete” more malleable before it hardens into its sturdy final form.

It noted that using only materials available on site for a moon base or other construction would reduce the need to launch supplies from Earth. The main ingredient in “lunar concrete” would be a powdery soil found on the moon’s surface known as lunar regolith. ESA said urea, which can break hydrogen bonds and reduce the viscosity of fluid mixtures, would limit the amount of water necessary in the recipe.

“Thanks to future lunar inhabitants, the 1.5 liters (3.2 pints) of liquid waste a person generates each day could become a promising by-product for space exploration,” it said in a statement. On Earth, urea is used as an industrial fertilizer and a raw material by chemical and medical companies.

“The hope is that astronaut urine could be essentially used as it is on a future lunar base, with minor adjustments to the water content,” study co-author Marlies Arnhof said in the ESA statement. “This is very practical, and avoids the need to further complicate the sophisticated water recycling systems in space.”

Do you hear that sound? What is it? It sounds like… like applause! Yes, that’s exactly what it is ladies and gentlemen! I can hear it so clearly now!!! Oh my goodness it seems people all over the world are excitedly rising to their feet to celebrate the joyous news!!! URINE can proably be used to help make concrete on THE MOON!

.

I don’t know about you, but learning that the fluid waste that you and I unthinkingly excrete each day could actually be used to building structures on the moon makes me feel important AF! I’m already excited each day because I wake up and pissed excellence, but now I find out that I’m also pissing out moon construction materials too!?!?!? It’s freaking amazing! All this time my body (and yours) has basically been a Home Depot (or Lowe’s for those of you who prefer to requisition your building supplies elsewhere) just cranking out useful building materials and I didn’t even know it!

Shoutout to The European Space Agency (ESA) for leading the way on this one. This is the type of next level thinking I want the world’s geniuses focused on. Don’t worry about finding a vaccine for coronavirus. The global pandemic can wait. Nope, I want all eyes squarely pointed down watching urine flow out of your nerd urethras and dreaming up secondary uses for the stuff. That is the highest and best use of your superior IQ’s.

PS: Hey ESA, mad props for the way you guys stunted hard on NASA with this one. Those NASA guys have never given us any useful information about urine. Ever. Not even once. Franky, it’s unacceptable. America is falling behind in the space race and this is a clear example why.

PSS: Not at all surprising that The European (Ur-A-Peein’) Space Agency was first to this finding. You guys were built for this ish, errr, piss.

PSSS: I cannot wait until the ESA starts looking into secondary uses for poop! I believe in you fellas so put your thinking caps on, plug your noses to keep out the stench, and plop down on the commode to start acquiring “test materials”. Let us know what you come up with!

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Countdown: My 5 Favorite GIF’s Right Now

I love GIF’s as a way to accentuate the emotions of text conversations. Here are my five favorite GIF’s right now along with what I like so much about each of them. Get in the comments and let me know what your favorites GIFs are:

#5: Hotdogs To The Face – This one is awesome to express a general feeling of being completely over something – just letting it wash over you like a hotdog facial.

#4: No Flinch Kobe – This is the Mamba Mentality perfectly condensed into a 2 second loop. Kobe wasn’t phased by anything, especially not punk ass Matt Barnes.

#3: Generic Confused Man – I LOVE this GIF! It has saved me thousands of words when trying to express utter confusion and disbelief during texting conversations.

#2: Kobe Bryant Yelling “SOFT!” – I enjoy this one so much that it got Kobe back on our list a second time! It’s such a spot on reaction for when someone trys to come at you with weak minded fuckery and you’re not having it. Just let an all time mental toughness expert do your work for you and fire off this GIF.

#1: Swaggy P Confusion – The way Nick Young aka Swaggy P expresses his confusion via the look on his face in this GIF is among the funniest and most spot on visuals I’ve ever seen! It’s so great how he starts by looking off camera for support and when he doesn’t get it he changes tactics and turns to the camera in hopes that somehow, some way, a person viewing the recording might one day feel and understand his pain and suffering. I, for one, feel your pain Nick.

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Weird News: 5 Year Old Utah Boy Steals Parents SUV In Attempt To Acquire Lamborghini

“They mad my car’s like an elephant / The trunk in the front…” – lyrics from Get ’em Daddy by Cam’ron

Source A 5-year-old Utah boy who police caught driving his family’s SUV this week may have discovered that crime does pay. That’s because an adult who heard how Adrian Zamarripa stole the keys to his family’s Dodge Journey, then started off to California to buy a Lamborghini, decided to give the kid a taste of supercar life with a ride around the neighborhood.

Jeremy Neves, a local businessman, said he reached out to the Zamarripa family after the story of the kid’s automotive exploit went viral. “I’m absolutely inspired by the principles that he displayed of success ― knowing what he wants, going after it,” Neves told local station KSL-TV. Neves insisted he doesn’t approve of Adrian’s actions (though it kinda seems like he does).

“Absolutely, I’m not encouraging kids to go out and take their parents’ car, and do anything else that’s illegal,” he said. “I’m not advocating that at all.” Clips of the Lamborghini joyride show Adrian, sitting on someone else’s lap without a seatbelt, driving around the block with Neves behind the wheel of his dream car. “This car’s fast,” the kid exclaims.
The Utah Highway Patrol said it won’t cite anyone for Adrian’s motoring on Monday, according to Fox13Now.com. Police said they stopped the SUV after noticing it swerving on an interstate. Adrian said he was on his way to California to buy a Lamborghini because his parents refused to get him one.

Adrian’s sister, Sidney, told CNN that her little brother has been grounded for the caper and his chore list has gotten bigger. Neves sympathized with the little boy’s self-inflicted plight. “I thought it would be really cool to say, ‘Your dreams aren’t as far away as you think they are,’” he told the Deseret News.

I’m drawn to supercars the way Lizzo and Kelly Clarkson are drawn buffets – I cannot ignore them – so this story immediately got my attention! I think we should all salute young Adrian for having a dream and being completely dedicated to doing whatever it took to make that dream a reality. He was tired of cruising around his driveway in Power Wheels because he is smart and realized that shit is weak sauce and for babies. Adrian is not a baby. Adrian is a 5 year old man child who wanted to experience the power and prestige that accompany ownership of a fine Italian automobile.

So Adrian did what any smart kid would do: He asked his parents to buy him the Lambo, but they refused (freakin’ dreamkillers!). Most likely they said no and then fed him some BS line about asking Santa to gift him one for Christmas, but Adrian wasn’t fooled by that. He knew Santa is a parental scam perpetrated on gullible kids to control their behavior. Adrian wasn’t going to let anything stop him from actualizing his vision of himself as a (very) young gentleman zipping around the greater Utah area, doors up, stunting on minivans and Suburbans full of appalled polygamist families. So he skipped over asking Kris Kringle for the car and decided to do the most American thing possible: Go out and get a Lambo for himself!

Dude went full Grand Theft Auto as a 5 year old and the video of his driving was amazing. Just swerving all over the interstate in that Dodge Journey trying to get to Cali to drop his entire $3 life savings on a sweet sweet whip. That’s dedication. That’s heart. That’s overcoming insurmountable odds (and completely failing to understand the economic realities of a situation). I see you Adrian and I ain’t mad at ya.

What I am mad about is that we haven’t heard more from Adrian. The local media did us all a huge disservice by not immediately conducting a tell all interview with him. We need a full interview with Adrian and we need it now! I’m talking a full 20/20 Investigative Journal & News Magazine level of interview. This will be a ‘gather your family around the TV the oracle is about to speak’, once in a lifetime, you’ll forever remember where you were when this happened type interview.

I need to hear directly from Adrian his thoughts about what went down. I need epic quotes on par with the ones we got from 7 year old Latarian Milton when he was interviewed a few years back after stealing his grandmother’s car, taking it on a joyride, and crashing it into multiple cars and mailboxes. Many of you may remember that when asked why he did it Milton infamously said, “It’s fun to do bad things and drive into a car… I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend.” That right there is the level of epic quotes I believe we could expect from a visionary like Adrian. I eagerly await a full interview with him and if and when that happens rest assured I’ll report on it here!

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Weird News: Strip Club Overcomes Coronavirus and Forever Disrupts Food Delivery Service Market

Two members of Portland, Oregon based “Boober Eats” delivery team embark on post-apocalyptic food service mission.
“We’re bringing the party to you because you can’t bring the party to us.” – Shon Boulden (Strip club owner, Anti-Coronavirus warrior, and American Hero)

What an inspiring story of American optimism and ingenuity! When Portland, Oregon strip club “Lucky Devil” was forced to close due to coronavirus, that didn’t stop owner Shon Boulden and his crew of scantily clad ladies from continuing to drive revenue while spreading boners joy. Not at all! These creatives cooked up a plan to forever disrupt the food delivery market by creating Boober Eats – a play on the market leading Uber Eats food delivery service.

The crew at Lucky Devil decided to open the club’s kitchen, slide on their stripper heels, slap on their pasties, pull up their thongs, and take to the streets delivering tits treats all over the greater Portland, Oregon area! THIS is the kind of “we shall overcome” spirit that’s going to get us through this global pandemic! So, hats (and pants?) off to the whole Boober Eats crew at Lucky Devil! If you’re in the Portland area please consider supporting a local breastaurant during these trying times.

The Boober Eats logo: Simple yet provocative and edgy. Is that a devilish pitchfork wedged between those animated tatas or is it just a normal fork for eating your Boober Eats meal? Why don’t you tell me big fella 😉 ?!?!…

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Weird News Story – The wild story of how Lil Wayne got a free Lamborghini Urus SUV

Image result for lil wayne

Check out this story that Lil Wayne (aka “Lil Weezy”, aka “Weezy F. Baby”, aka “Tunechi”, aka “Dwayne Carter” aka “The best rapper alive since the best rapper retired”) tells about his wild life!

There are so many great parts to this story, but I’ll highlight just a few of my favorites:

  • Lil Wayne flies private so often that he is totally unaware of what the machine is called that’s used to screen bags at airports.
  • Lil Wayne travels with over $25,000 worth of jewelry. Not surprising for a rapper of his level, but still pretty epic.
  • Lil Wayne has a “Percocet” pendant on his chain. Game over. Weezy is officially the swag champion!
  • Lil Wayne had a middle eastern royal groveling for his forgiveness. Let’s all take a second to think about how amazing that is.
  • And, probably the most important realization I had from this story: Lil Wayne no longer has a “free” Lamborghini because he blabbed about it on video so now the IRS knows about it and he’ll need to pay the taxes on it… Whatever happened to real “G’s” moving in silence like lasagna?

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Weird News: Banana Duct Taped to Wall Sells for $120,000 at Miami’s Art Basel

Source – A banana duct-taped to a wall sold for $120,000 at Miami’s Art Basel… The fruit and tape in question was the work of Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan, and it literally is just a banana duct-taped to a wall, titled “The Comedian.” CBS News reports that there are actually three “editions” of the work of art, two of which have been sold. The third banana is expected to go for an even higher $150,000.

On the one hand, the hundred-thousand-dollar banana duct-taped to a wall is Good. People always like to dismiss modern art as simplistic, often remarking, “I could make that.” The go-to comeback to this statement is, “Yeah, but you didn’t.”

And, as a piece of art, “The Comedian” actually does have something to say. Emmanuel Perrotin—the founder of Perrotin, the gallery where the work was displayed—told CBS News that the piece is about how the meaning and importance of objects changes depending on the context.

Well folks, I think we can go ahead and turn the lights off on our modern society and shut things down once and for all. We’ve reached a new low. Someone just purchased a banana taped to a wall for $120,000. Let’s let that fact pause and sink in for a moment. In a world where 60% of people lack consistent access to clean water (I made that stat up because I’m too lazy to look up actual stats and it seems like a reasonable stat) someone just spent the price of a college education on a stick of sugar, potassium, and fiber worth maybe 50 cents and a piece of duct tape worth maybe the same amount and the only thing setting these items apart from all other just like them is that they are taped to a wall together.

This begs the question: WHY???? WHY??? WHY???? (Nancy Kerrigan voice) Why would anyone buy this? I think there’s only one explanation: It must have been a rich guy doing it to save face. No other logic makes sense here. I mean, you don’t get rich enough to casually drop $120K on questionable abstract art by, well, dropping $120K on questionable abstract art. However, once a person is rich enough to wipe their ass with over a tenth of a million dollars and casually flush that money down the toilet (which is EXACTLY what this buyer did) then we have to assume he is doing it for a good reason.

In this case I’m willing to bet that good reason was to maintain status in the rich guy pecking order. I’m pretty sure things developed like this: One rich guy, let’s call him Wellington Montford III, joked to his fellow well heeled buddy, Hermatige Armatige IV, how funny it would be to buy the banana / duct tape “art” piece and then ol’ Herms calmly replied to our boy Wellsy, “Bet you won’t do it.” And just like that, it was on. You see, if I learned anything from watching the movie You Got Served it was that if you dance and they dance back, then “IT’S ON!” My friends, that little exchange between our two hypothetical trust fund titans was the 1%’s version of a dance battle in a seedy unoccupied warehouse in an industrial area just outside of town. So, you see Wellington HAD to buy that taped up piece of monkey food because if he didn’t he’d become the laughing stock of everyone in The Hamptons this summer and Wellington Montford III is many things, but he is never the catalyst for laughter at his expense.

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Weird News: Farmer Punches sheep in face. Is fined.

A photo of the farmer and one of his sheep during happier times.

Source“Edinburgh (AFP) – A Scottish wool farmer has pleaded guilty to animal abuse after he was caught on video punching two sheep in the face, an animal welfare charity said Tuesday. William Brown, 59, was fined £550 ($715, 660 euros) under Section 19 of Scotland’s Animal Health and Welfare Act 2006, after he admitted to causing unnecessary suffering to two rams on his farm in Penicuik, south of Edinburgh, in 2018.

The investigation was conducted by the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA), which is authorised to report cases of suspected cruelty to state prosecutors. Scottish SPCA chief inspector said he hoped the fine “will serve as a warning that this behaviour is unacceptable”.

“He will be fully aware that sheep experience fear and can perceive humans as a threat,” John Chisholm said. “Violently lashing out at the sheep will spread fear amongst the rest of the flock.”

Brown was filmed by an undercover animal welfare officer sent in by the animal rights organisation People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).

The organisation, which documented similar cruelty to sheep in England in 2018, said it was the first time a Scottish wool farmer had pleaded guilty after being caught engaged in acts of “flagrant cruelty” to sheep. “This is a huge milestone — but it’s just the tip of the iceberg,” PETA claimed. “It’s routine in the Scottish wool industry to kick, beat, and stamp on sheep, but so far, only one person… has been charged with cruelty to animals.” 

Katie James, a spokeswoman for the National Sheep Association, said abuse of sheep was not widespread at all. Sheep farmers were trained and given guidelines making the animals’ welfare “the highest priority”.

I have some thoughts to share about this story. First of all, wild move by the farmer to punch not one, but two sheep. Brave man to go into a two on one Royal Rumble against semi-domesticated barnyard animals. Second, what a deeply disrespectful move to punch the sheep in the face of all places! He didn’t want to hit them in the flank or the ribs?!?! Nope! Our guy domed not one, but two sheep. Hitting someone or something in the face clearly lets the beaten party know your message is, “I don’t respect you and I want to you be deeply aware of that lack of respect!” and it seems this farmer was all about getting that message across to his flock. 

Now, let’s get deeper into the analysis. I really think there’s something the writer of this news article, the animal loving SPCA and PETA tattletales dogooders people quoted in the story, and the Scottish courts that imposed the fine all failed to consider: What exactly did those sheep do to warrant Old McDonald smacking them upside their mellons? I mean, they must have done SOMETHING, right?!?! Think about the farmers you have met at your local farmer’s market on a weekend or that you’ve seen on TV shows or in movies. These are generally old dudes in overalls driving dusty pickup trucks. They’re typically kinda stove up from arthritis brought on by years of doing manual labor outdoors under suboptimal conditions. Most of these dudes are also at least somewhat religious/have a keen sense of right and wrong honed by years of fervently praying for rain to end droughts. What I’m getting at is these are not the types of dudes to just casually lay an unwarranted beatdown on Mary’s Little Lamb. They just don’t have the inclination or that the energy to pull off such a feat after driving a combine across acres of fields all day and then milking dozens of cows. So, all I’m saying is whatever happened between that farmer and those 2 sheep I’m pretty sure the sheep had it coming. 

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Weird News: Squirrel Begs for Help from Lady Walking in Park

Source

The Pulaski Police Department in Virginia shared a story that you have to see to believe — and luckily, it was caught on camera. A woman walking on a park trail noticed a squirrel was following her. What happened next led her to call the police. 

Tia Powell was in Kiwanis Park when she was “approached by a squirrel,” the police department wrote on Facebook. “The squirrel stood in her way on the trail.” Powell realized the squirrel wasn’t going to harm her — and it was also not going to leave her alone.

Powell told CBS News there was an injured baby squirrel there, too. So, she decided to take the mama seriously when it tugged on her pant leg.

This is a weird story and there is quite a lot to unpackage. First things first, I need to commend this squirrel for being an example to all of us of how to advocate for oneself. The old maxim, “Ye have not because ye ask not”, is clearly something this squirrel took to heart. This mama squirrel needed immediate attention from outsiders to help her resolve her situation and there was nothing that was going to stop her from getting it even if doing so meant she had to harass total stranger, park power walker, Tia Powell. 

“I was shocked and speechless and excited because it had never happened before,” Powell told CBS News. “I felt bad because I pushed it away the first time instead of just waiting to see. My children and I love animals, so to see it hurt and the mom couldn’t help was sad.”

Shame on you Tia. Shame. Shame. Shame. When a squirrel rolls up on you, grabs your pant leg, and begs for help you do not shoo that squirrel away. Not at all! You stop what you’re doing and immediately see what that mangy tree rat wants. Maybe I’ve lived an uncharacteristically squirrel free life, but I have NEVER had a squirrel stroll up to me in a park (or any place for that matter) and start tugging on my pant leg in a quest for attention. If and when that happens you can best believe I’ll be immediately directly all of my attention to figuring out what that squirrel wants and also probably checking to make sure I’m not losing my mind or imagining the whole encounter.

Powell moved the injured baby off the path, but the mom still would not leave her alone. “I noticed that they were following me the whole time,” she said. “The baby was struggling to walk and the mom kept on going ahead and then coming back.” 

She fed the squirrels a sandwich she had with her and watched them try to hop up into a tree. When she realized the baby squirrel was still struggling to get up the tree, she decided to call in backup.

I commend Tia for trying to do the right thing here, but I have to blow the whistle and throw a penalty flag because Tia messed this one up. I don’t know how to put this gently so I’m just going to say it: Squirrels don’t want sandwiches. There. I said it. Let that sink in for a moment. I mean just ask yourself when was the last time you were cruising through a park and saw a squirrel kicking back standing on a fallen tree and just going to town eating a sandwich. I can tell you when: Never and the reason you haven’t seen this is because squirrels aren’t into sandwiches. Squirrels live in trees. Sandwiches live in the kitchens of suburban homes and sub shops located in strip malls. At not time do sandwiches enter the venn diagram of foods squirrels have access to eat. Squirrels eat tree nuts, vegetables, and fruit (shout out to a quick Google search for providing this valuable nugget of information). If squirrels were into sandwiches we’d see them massing around Subway shops to taste the masterpeices those“sandwhich artists” crank out from the assembly line. Anyway, I commend the squirrels for wisely nibbling on the sandwich to appease Tia while trying to get her to see the real issue: The injury to the baby squirrel.

 Powell called her friend and the Humane Society, but the Pulaski Police Department arrived. “In their defense, I did sound like a crazy lady saying the squirrels wouldn’t let me leave. But they showed up and assisted as much as they could,” Powell told CBS News.

Imagine being the cop who gets dispatched to handle this call. Dude probably signed up for this job a decade ago hoping to bust some perps to make the world a safer place. He most likely imagined himself going on stakouts,  getting into car chases, and maybe, just maybe, if the stars aligned just right he would get into a wild west style shootout. His life was going to be a non-stop adventure with unlimited donuts mixed in as an added bonus! Now, flash forward 10 years and instead of living out episodes of CSI in real life my man finds himself answering phone calls about distressed park dwelling rodents. Talk about a downgrade!

Powell didn’t know how the baby squirrel got injured, but she thought a nearby stray cat was the culprit. So, the group of rescuers decided to move the squirrels to a safer area.

I’m glad the story had a happy ending and that the squirrel got moved to a “safer area”, but we do need to address a key detail of the last sentence from the paragraph above: Apparently, there was a “group of rescuers”. Look, I’m not a first responder, nor am I a second or third responder (if those even exist), but I do consider myself to be a fairly rational person and one thing I know is that moving an injured squirrel from one part of a city park to another in no way requires a “group of rescuers”. These people weren’t trying to extract Baby Jessica from a west Texas well hole, free Chilean miners from a collapsed shaft (pause), or find a way to extract that team of Thia soccer kids who got trapped in a flooded underground cave system. They were trying to move one baby squirrel. I really think that could have been done by a single person instead of the mass of humanity I imagine was on the scene live streaming this “dramatic” rescue. Anyway, in conclusion, I’m glad the situation ended fine and always remember this piece of ancient squirrel wisdom: Protect your nuts!

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